Saturday, February 20, 2010


My fan is my only friend,my pillow is my closest confidant and the 4 walls of my room make my world.This wound was little,so miniscule you couldnt see it ,so small that sometimes with all that happened around i forgot it was still there .
Things sure have changed, now i know its there,I see it become bigger each day..stuffing a little more of loneliness , a dash of anger and large amounts of envy.i knew it was not the outer shell that was scarred but still i applied all the balm i got .My lab rat ways were'nt helping and every peeking emotion got sucked in even before it could present itself.I carry now a big black hole heavier than most men and deeper than oil reserves below sea level.
It doesnt hurt that much or so i choose to think,but this melancholy is disturbing.I am afraid to fall asleep worrying that maybe that little ray of broken hope of being rescued from this stage might also be sucked in. It sounds funny to most who i try and open up to ,to the others ..well i dont try!!
My Mind threatens to come out of hiding, but for once its my heart thats pulling back .She thinks there is a slight chance i will be saved from this miserable hole i have dug for myself .. she believes my closest will dive in pull the plug and the black will get sucked in.I let her believe..
I have waited patiently at that street corner and at the end of each night as i am just about to give up, my heart pulls me back and i Go back the next day .