Sunday, May 4, 2008

i lost HIM

i really dunno why i am writing this post .(actually because i read sana's blog). but i had to .. my heart just wouldnt keep still .. it went on forcing me to write what i have been keeping inside for a long time ...
the one day i wish to remove from my memory .. never seems to go away ..i was playing badminton with gowri ..when "nipun"this friend comes and tells me "aishu i have something to tell u "...(i was really expecting it would be about some apartment matter )... it was'nt ...... it was about MY FIRST LOVE ..... the person who taught me how to play football in the rain , how to serve a shuttle in badminton , he taught me how to aim at the stones when playing pittu , he taught me not to care when people spoke about me ...... i had known him from when i was in the first standard he was in the third .... he would let me play with all his remote cars even though they were HIS life ....... the one person who would "lattu"to call me down .. the guy who said bye to me every morning when we went to school ..... the guy who called me to the parking lot at the back to tell me "he liked liked me ".......... the guy who didnt mind telling all his friends , his cousins , his dad about me being his girl ..... the guy would call me before his cricket match just to tell me the game was "in my name "and if i lost i had to buy him orange stick .....
but nipun came bearing the worst news i could ever hear .... he came to tell me "ankur had drowned "he had gone on an excursion and there was a landslide and he went in ........... my world stopped ... gowri was holding me .. and i didnt no if i wanted to be left alone, if i wanted to stay there , if i wanted to cry to scream ...... i didnt do anythin i just stood .... just stood ... with tears streaming down my face .... i couldnt believe i had lost him ... the nut i wanted to play badminton with forever ... i couldnt believe i wasnt going to see him every morning and smile and go to school happy ............ i hated nipun for telling me what he did ... i went home and told mom ..she started crying too ... i cried myself to sleep for a month literally .... i hated why i was always the one who had shit happening to them .. that too why ... him ... why did he have to go ....most people started feeling sad for me ... they were like "poor thing "..... i hated being the poor thing .. i hated my fate ... i hated everyone who spoke about him even in a nice way .. i hated hearing his name ... because he was gone .. i felt i was the reason he went away ...... i still feel i am unlucky for a guy ,........ i miss him .. i miss being in kid love .. i miss seeing his face light up when he got me out .... i miss him come for my birthday parties and give me my gift later ...... i miss his scooty ... and miss his remote cars ............ even if i do find the love of my life ... he will always be my first love because he made "aishu"who she actually is .......... muaahh this is for u ........
this may seem like a boring post ... but if u do have someone that u love .. dont wait to tell them u love them for all the corny jokes they crack .. or all the fights u have .. or all the games u play .. dont wait to do somethin u have been wanting to do with them ... dont wait to keep statue or play hide and seek with them .......love them even if they r pissing the hell outa u .... u dunno what i would give to scream at him again ................................
LOVE WITH ALL U GOT ,ALWAYS .........aurevoir

2 comments:

nids!!! said...

its wonderful! sometimes writing about them makes us realise they will never go away! we will always always remember them! and have enough stories to tell a million people! :)

shuuuu said...

i completely agree ... and after a period of time .. and a 1'16 part that is healed ... it will seem ok ..... to speak about them ....... they can never go away .. they r embedded in us ..for as long as we shall breathe